requested a commentary on age differences. There are no real moral or ethical
implications of dating a person older or younger than yourself. Most people do
find an attraction to someone a few years older or younger. So one must assume
that we are talking of grossly differing age differences. These would be age
differences of 10, 20, or 30 years.
The first thing that needs to be determined is if there is an unhealthy reason
for not choosing a person of ones similar age. This would be true of the
predatory adult who needs to control and manipulate another person and therefore
seeks a weaker type of person who sometimes is also younger. This type of
predatory person is dangerous and may be violent.
Now, having said that I must say that my own mother married a man 10 years her
senior and was quite happy. She was widowed at 51 though. And an older friend of
mine married a man 20 years her senior and she was very happy! So it can work.
What do you need to think about in such a situation? Well, most of the time the
older person will miss having a person to share generational things(like songs
that were popular when they were 15 etc.). The two people need to be certain
that they have common interests and goals. This is very important.
I have known people who are almost like chameleons in their likes, interests and
attitudes. These people will change all their views to match the person whom
they are dating.
You want a person who can contribute to your life-not duplicate yours.
You never want to get involved in a rescue mission. This occurs when you want to
show the person the world, or save them from something. If you want to help,
help. Don't get INVOLVED. If you play rescuer, you will generally end up the
You want to be certain that the person with whom you are getting involved shares
a similar lifestyle. There are always adjustment problems in every relationship
so don't get excited about every little problem. However, if one of you wants to
go out every night and the other wants to stay home every night, neither will be
happy. You may find a compromise. The question is " How long will the compromise
If you are bound and determined to have this relationship work and the other
party is just as determined as you, then you can make it work. The most
important thing is being realistic and reasonable.